The conflicts of my HAIR!!!

“I love your hair, it’s so beautiful! How do you get it to flow like that?”

Over the past few weeks in Cape Town I have been approached, almost everyday, by Black South African women who would comment on the texture and style of my hair. In the beginning, I was flattered by the attention given by so many South Africans. I felt as though I have been doing something right to draw the attention of so many people. After a week of the comments and the constant approaches, I began to analyze the meaning behind my hair and the comments that I have been receiving. I have concluded, that “Good Hair” is a term and an ideology that travels beyond the Western culture for Black people.

Often, we concentrate on the application of products to make our hair look and feel soft, shiny and strong. The acceptable look for Black women’s hair in any society is of a straight and “flowy” texture: either you have it—hair that does not need to be straightened and just simply grow—or you didn’t. In South Africa, many women wear their hair natural: short (like a boyish cut), coursed and spiked, or dreaded. Other hairstyles include micro or cornrowed braids. There are also some who wear their hair relaxed as mine, but it is often not “flowy.“ This is because South African women would relax their hair and drown their scalp with grease. I often wash, blow dry, and press my hair; once completed, I would add a bit of oil sheen for the shine. This in turn makes my hair to flow “naturally” when the wind blows because it is not heavily dense with grease.

No matter your ethnicity, hair is very important for most women. Whether it’s using chemical relaxer, dying or bleaching your hair, or refusing to cut your hair because its length has become a protective shield to you – hair has meaning for us females.
Being asked about my hair everyday has made me realize how much I actually HATE my relaxed hair! Don’t get me wrong; I think my hair is very pretty relaxed. I relax my hair because I like the way it suites my face. In America, I am aware that Black beauty equates to having long straight hair, but being in South Africa has brought this ideology to the forefront. In America, I can ignore the deep implications of “Good Hair” and the aspirations to attain such hair. In the Black/African American community there is an unspoken acceptance to associate beauty with relaxed hair. I am not sure if I can fully accept or live with the connotations of having relaxed hair! Being in South Africa has really made me feel ashamed of my hair. Let me explain:
The Black aesthetic and the definition of Black beauty is rooted in hair. I want to define myself and affirm my identity in the face of the legacy of cultural aggression and forced impressions of beauty in society at large. African features, those characteristics that distinguish Blacks from Euro-ethnics, were considered "ugly." The dark skin, thick lips, broad nose and of course the "nappy" hair were considered badges of inferiority!

Too often, I hear Black South African women hoping and wanting for their children to have “Good hair.” This is a form of marginalization and fettered thoughts of natural Black beauty. I envy South African women who wear their hair naturally. I long to reach a position where I can wear my hair in its natural form and not be judged or dismissed by my community, family and friends. Natural is so beautiful to me, but I am at a stage in my life where I must consider how I would be perceived in corporate America, and simply in the eyes of others. From my own analysis, I can draw the conclusion that my self-esteem, like many, is wrapped up in my hair!

This has become a personal conflict that I have been thinking deeply about while in South Africa. I believe that I am in a stage of transition. I no longer want to neglect or abuse my natural hair with the “creamy crack” product, as Chris Rock has expressively put it..lol. I have made the decision to go natural. I don’t even remember what my natural hair looks like, as sad as that may sound. Today, Friday Febraury 13, 2010. I am currently in transition. I really hope this works out for me. Figuring out who I am has been one of my biggest challenges in South Africa.